There is a monster in my house, well not just my house, it’s everywhere. It’s real. It’s not an imagined shadow on the wall, or hidden under the bed nor does it disappear when the lights go on. This monster instills pure terror into James-z, my 3 year old, and leaves him trembling and sobbing.  I’ve seen it, I’ve even been able to photograph it. Over the last year it has used the happiness it sucks from James-z and fed its evil power to morph. It has become a shape-shifter. It menacingly takes on other shapes, seemingly innocent shapes that make most people smile. But not my little man. It shows up in different forms and different places, always taunting, always terrorizing. It is his worst enemy – his arch nemesis that strips him of his happy go lucky self and leaves him a trembling little boy scared to move until it has been exterminated, at least for the time being.

Two days ago, the monster lay in waiting for James. Lying still, it knew he would come -and he did. I was in the hall as James went flying past me laughing hysterically at his sister who was chasing him. In an instant, but almost as if in slow motion it happened, James leapt at the moment he saw it. His blood curdling scream gave him wings to fly over the top of the monster – it’s claws outstretched – reaching for him. I saw it happening and yet could not move fast enough to stop it, to help James before the beast pierced his fun with an arrow of terror. I ran into the room and scooped James up, I knew I had to hide his face, keep him from seeing the grotesque creature. But he was kicking, crying, trying to get farther into the corner away from the beast. I dropped him onto the bed and like a mother bear went after the monster.

I grabbed this thing with a fierceness that only a mother could do, it fought back. He flew out of my grasp and tried to run. I grabbed it again and took it down the hall. Looking around frantically for anything that I could use to send it back to it’s own world. Where is the portal, the magic box that once shut cannot be opened from the other side to let them into our world… I looked around frantically and then I saw it. The gateway portal to this thing’s world, I had to send it away, I had to keep it from terrorizing my son. I grabbed the golden handle and swung open the box, with a rush of part adrenaline, part “don’t mess with this momma” attitude I flung the creature high and far and slammed the portal shut.

My knees were weak, I slid down to the ground as my high from adrenaline dropped and left me drained. I realized that there seemed to be peace in the house, I had done it. My son was going to be free from the terror this horrific creature brought to him. My son was free, I was free.

Hailey, my 5-year old ran to me. I knew she was going to see me as fierce and brave; her mom, the hero. Her mouth opening I waited to hear her give me the praise I deserved;

“Uh, Mom, why did you put my singing dog in the closet?”

Laughing uncontrollably, downing drinks to encourage the loudest burp and more laughs. Yelling, more laughing, bumping into one another, more laughing, falling, more laughing, more drinking… it was a night that would make a college frat party look tame. What am I mixed up in, it was out of control – I had lost the upper hand. How could this happen?  What was the culprit that sent my kids into college party mode?

Caffeine. Yep, caffeine – not a big doobie or a keg stand. Although with the way they were laughing, it would have been a hard sell to convince outsiders that wasn’t the case.  We only gave them a few sips (I swear) and yet, “I love you Maaaan” and hugs were abound. They were running around our kitchen island like it was a race track dedicated to tiny humans without the ability to slow down, the brakes were drained.

How I long to have that energy, that belly laughing ability, and without the aid of doobies or alcohol to have the best laughs at the simplest things. *sigh*.

Oh well, since those days are gone…where’s my stash of vodka?

I love you maaan!

I can fly!

The room is spinning...

Youthful Joy

Blogging about my life is a little like the underwear dream… you know the one I’m talking about? I’m standing there in front of a huge room of people in my underwear, completely exposed. I don’t know these people, they don’t know me, but they know my most intimate self, and that is the world of blogging.

What have I gotten myself into? The room is virtual – favor point, but the potential  number of people in the room, coming in and out, passing by without me even knowing, taking their quick peek is overwhelming and a little sobering .  My reality and their perception duking it out as I stand there vulnerable and exposed… I guess there is only one way to do this, like a band aid, quick and painful!

Don’t expect to actually find a picture of me in my intimates, but I can try and paint the picture for you through my words. Take it or leave it, this is me.

Welcome, me, to the world of blogging!