Until now…

As I surfed around diecutflowers.com, longingly staring at Karen’s paper creations, I stumbled upon a wonderful giveaway!  Three lucky readers will receive store credit to her store.  So you can imagine my delight that by chance, I could possibly win the unique and beautiful bouquet of my dreams!

Now I know some of you are getting married soon and might be interested, so I’ll decrease my chances of winning and share the love (technically it kind of even’s out because posting this is actually an entry).  So here is the contest.

Please take a minute to visit the family blog: http://thumbinmouth.blogspot.com

A mutual friend had decided to participate in a walk in May to benefit the Tuberous Sclerosis Alliance in Denver.  Touched by her thoughtfulness many MWB members have donated and/or signed up for the walk all over the US.  We currently are representing Team Jack-A-Roo in Denver, Portland, and Scottsdale!

Any and all donations are appreciated.  If you can’t donate, come join our team and walk for Jack-a-roo. He’s a rock star and deserves to have his story told!

You can donate at the following sites:

• http://www.firstgiving.com/amandastringer
• http://www.firstgiving.com/lynettelewis
• http://www.firstgiving.com/jackaroo_portland
• www.firstgiving.com/jack-a-roo

Giveaway: $50 Picaboo Photo Books Gift Card!

My last ex was/is a really amazing guy.   I would never trade my Fiance for any other person in the world, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other great men out there.  Nor does that mean any of my exes were not great, they just were not for me.  So why is it seem so wrong that I care that his life is going well?

I just don’t understand it.  After a serious relationship, how do you just cast the other person aside like they never existed?  How are you not supposed to remember their birthday or hope they’re doing well?

Yes, I decided our relationship was over.  Yes, I thought we should go our separate ways.  But where in there does the love we had just disappear to?

I hope he’s doing well.  I hope he likes his job, has fun with friends, is dating around or has a great girlfriend/fiance/wife.  I hope things are running smoothy and that he’s happy.  And damnit, there is nothing wrong with that!

So why is so hard to write a email, “Happy birthday, hope all is well.”?  Why do I feel like the only socially acceptable thing is to pretend like he never existed and pray I never randomly see him out in public?

Who knows.. The fact of that matter is I’ve never cared what is or isn’t socially acceptable and that’s why that email is in his inbox right now.  Because I do care and there is nothing wrong with wishing someone well.

I managed to pump for 2 minutes before remembering why it is I don’t breastfeed anymore. Pumping is terrible. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and annoying. Even if I could re-lactate, I wouldn’t stay with it.

I work full-time and hate pumping too much.  Bummer.

First and foremost, I’m waiting on my house hunting days to be over.  I was initially looking for a small condo or town-home to live in for a couple years till we bought a house.  But after experiencing the true “pleasure” of finding and procuring a home, I think I’ll pass on ever doing this again if I can help it.  So we’re looking at good ole’ homes to spend the rest of our lives in.  I currently have 40 houses on my radar, 13 back up offers, and 5 pending offers (waiting for the bank/seller to accept).  I’m keeping my eye out on new properties but really, all I need is a bank to approve my offer (on the house on Ellis if anyone who wants to accept that offer is reading this, PLEASE).

I remember watching movies and TV shows with people buying houses and I don’t ever recall them searching for months, with no luck, to buy a house.  I recall them looking at 4 they like and then buying one.  I guess I don’t recall them changing poopy diapers everyday either so maybe I should stop basing life off fictional entertainment anymore.

The second thing I’m waiting on is my darn engagement ring.  I don’t normally wear rings because I have such skinny fingers, I’m worried it’s going to look weird.  But at the same time, I’m extremely excited that it’s not your typical engagement ring.  Can you say Black Tahitian Pearl?  It’s going to be amazing, and nothing can compare.  Not that it’s better than any diamond, it’s just who else is going to have a engagement ring anything like it?  It would be like trying to compare art from Van Gogh and Michelangelo.  Anyway, my ring should have been here last Wednesday and I am still patiently waiting.

I’m also waiting on diapers and babylegs to be shipped to me.  But when comparing it to a home and a engagement ring, it just seems silly to be too concerned over these.  Althought I am really excited about getting more babylegs.  I hate pants on JD, they’re always too short.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if everything arrived/happened on the same day?  Can you say best day ever?  I can.

I pulled the bad mommy card and decided to leave Baby J at home so:

1. Jonny and I could experience our first real vacation together with minimal stress
2. We could celebrate our engagement as fiances and not as Mommy and Daddy.
3. Baby J’s first trip to Disneyland will be something our extended family could come to and enjoy as well.  (that and he can walk and go on rides and all that)

For the first time ever, I went on a vacation with no plan of what we were to do, budget of what I was to spend, and heck, we didn’t even know who was going until we got in the car and left!  It was a little stressful for me to go with the flow like that.  I’m little Miss Planner and little Miss Frugal all in one.  You can’t find the deals if you don’t know what you’re doing till you’re doing it!  I think I managed well but I have a feeling when I was overwhelmed by the whole idea of blowing so much money and not “getting your monies worth” the group could tell (sorry guys).

What was amazing about the whole no plan thing, is that most of the trip was unorganized chaos, something I’ve never experienced on vacation before!  The first and third day were running around, doing things on the fly and the second was one amazing shit show of drunks.  We drunkenly explored Tarzan’s Tree House, the Safari River and Downtown Disney, as well as sneakily drank in public, rode Grizzly Falls 100 times, and ate at the Blue Bayou.  I don’t think we ruined any children’s Disney vacations but we definitely ruined a buss driver’s night.

So overall, Disneyland for the WIN! My engagement ring, however, is now put on hold.

While I was gone, Baby J learned to crawl backwards, started a growth spurt, and can now go from sitting to crawling. I never noticed how many babies there are at Disneyland till this trip.. And every time I saw one, I found myself scrambling for my camera to look at old pictures of Baby J. He looks older now that I’m back and that makes me sad.  I feel like there’s a space between us now too.  Like when a baby animal falls in mud and it’s parents will shun it because they don’t recognize its scent.  Luckily, I’m more than aware this babe is mine.. Even though he seems different now.

It was a good trip and I’m happy to be home.  Next time I’d like to save for the trip a little better so I don’t feel like I’m spending my backup savings (and engagement ring funds ).  But really it was a nice, well deserved break from life.

Years later, breast have become the strangest obsession for me.  Why did no one tell me that’s how you fed your young? Why did it have to come as such a surprise when I was pregnant with Baby J?  I’d stand in the shower, 38 weeks pregnant, trying to figure out just exactly how milk would come out.  It saddens me that breastfeeding is so foreign to our society that I had to learn about the natural way to feed my son.  Or maybe I’m just a moron who had no idea while everyone else knew (that thought saddens me too though).

So why do most insist our breasts are a sexual commodity?  Because they’re not.  They’re not a carnal part of a woman that only lovers and medical professionals should see. They’re the “tit of life” as I like to call it.  They nurture and comfort, they are organic nutrients, and mostly they are.. well.. NOT unnatural!

I have no problem with formula feeding.  In fact, I’m a part-time formula feeder.  So no, I will not be participating on the debate between breast is best and formula forever.

What I will say is this: society is obsessed with breasts for all the wrong reasons.  They are beautiful and amazing and can assist in sustaining life!  And for that, I will obsess.

P.S.  If Bear Grylls was a breastfeeding mother, would he drink his own milk when lost in the wilderness?

It’s very hard for me to describe who I am because within the last year and a half, I have grown into a completely different person.  Before, I was all about fun, adventure, good times, and good booze.  Then in July of ‘08, I found out I was pregnant, March of ‘09, I had my son and 1 week ago, the love of my life and father of my baby proposed.  I never foresaw any of those events coming and to this day, I wake up in disbelief of the life I have now and the person I’ve become.

I am still quirky, optomistic, and I still love good times but now I am also responsible, thoughtful, and organized.  My priorities, hobbies, and opinions have changed.  So while I can’t give you a quick peek into the person that is me, I can share my new experiences and opinions with you as life continues.

Let’s just say.. I’ve accomplished a lot and come a long way. And you know what? I’m finally very happy to be me.

With love,
MommaNette